By Bob Friesen

Jolene and Bob Friesen

I have had a lot knocks in my life – some of them very painful. And the past 21 months have been the toughest I have had to live through.

But I have become convinced that God’s heart is to change his children, and make us into gold for his purposes. I do not think God brings us our troubles; but he allows them, to shape us.  

If you’re wondering how I learned this, let me walk you through the journey my wife Jolene and I have been on for almost two years.

Terrible losses

In August 2008, our 20 year old niece passed away suddenly. She was a strong believer, and her testimony was vibrant and alive. She had just graduated that summer. What a terrible loss for the family.

Two months later, my father-in-law died of cancer; he was only 73. He was a wonderful man, the best father-in-law ever.  He meant the world to my wife and me, and left a huge hole.

Health problems

I also suffered a number of ongoing health problems.

I had a stomach pain, and my doctor could not find anything wrong with me. A series of tests showed nothing wrong; but the pain persisted.

I also had eye problems, still ongoing. I still see many ‘floaters’ in my line of vision, and there is no known reason for this. My eyes have been tested three times for eye diseases – and everything is fine. But the floaters will not go away.

Jolene also endured some serious back pain. Her back ‘went out,’ and she could not even walk. It was horrible.

In the fall of 2009, I was stuck at home, missing work. I"had swine flu for a whole week. I was extremely ill.

Finances &"theft

My wife and I got hit with huge financial burdens, all in a matter of a few months.

The roof of our house needed replacing. A lot of things were breaking down and costing us money. Also, on three separate occasions, our precious dog had to be taken to the vet. One time, he almost died.

On top of all this, we endured even further financial hardships due to the suffering economy. Money–wise, things just kept getting worse.

One day in fall 2009, I came home from work for lunch – and I saw that the back kitchen window was smashed in. It was indeed a break-in – the second one in six years.

We lost some valuable items, including jewelery which had sentimental value. They even took Jolene’s unopened birthday presents; one of them was a gorgeous gold bracelet                 I had gotten her for that very special day.

We were both so upset. What else could go wrong?

Fear &"grief

In January 2010, my precious mother was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer. Since then, she has been undergoing chemotherapy; as of this writing, she has completed six of seven rounds. She also has a compromised liver and immune system, which makes the chemotherapy sessions a little tricky;  she must be monitored closely.

My mother is very dear and close to me. Seeing her suffer has been terribly hard on me and the family. They say that when one person in the family gets cancer, the whole family gets cancer. I think that is true.

One and a half months ago, my wife’s eldest brother died of a heart attack. He was only 53 years old. He was a wonderful brother, and had a glowing testimony.

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He was so genuine and so real. He was an amazing father to eight kids, and an ideal example of a super husband to his wife. He is missed beyond words.

Satan’s agenda

So, as I said, it has been a very difficult 21 months. Crisis after crisis. One thing after another. Never ending. And very painful.

I would be dishonest if I did not tell you the past two years have rattled my faith. Satan is trying his hardest to destroy us. The word says that he comes to steal, kill and destroy.

Many times in the past year and a half, I have been despairing. I have cried out to God, and often felt he was simply ignoring me. I felt he did not care.

I was angry. My sadness was immense. My life was consisting solely of loss and pain.

I would ask repeatedly: “Where is God in all this?”

God’s agenda

I have come to believe God is more concerned about building my character than he is about giving me a life of comfort.

He has been using all of the above to mould me into the man he wants me to be. That is a larger priority than making my life easy. Rather than giving me a comfortable life, he is more concerned about seeing me become like Jesus.

The many blows I’ve taken are meant to refine me into the likeness of his Son. God wants depth, not fickle people. He wants real, not fake.

My heartaches aren’t over; but I am getting some composure. After some grief counselling with a good Christian therapist, many talks over coffee with the spiritual men in my life, and the filling of many journal pages with words from my bleeding heart . . . I feel I am getting some breathing space.

God has spoken to me many times during this whirlwind of crises – through his word, and through other believers.

I am learning that God is good, despite the hardships. His character does not change in light of our tough times. God is good. Period.

For a while this past year and half, I was believing otherwise. I thought God was bringing Jolene and me these troubles and pains. When my brother-in-law (to whom I was very close) passed away, I learned something new:"pain, death and troubles are part of this sinful world.

God’s tears

God is not a part of those bad things. God is separate. He is a good God – and he hurts when we hurt. God has shed tears over my losses. He aches over my hurting heart.

But God loves me so much that he wants to see my character transformed. So allowing various trials and tribulations is one way to bring that about. How I respond is the key.

I’ve had people tell me that others were watching me and my family, to see how we responded to these losses. I believe that is true. People are watching – closely. God is also using that for his purposes.

Would I live the past 21 months over again? No, I would not choose that for myself. But do I believe God has used all the tough stuff to help reshape my character? For sure.

Would you not want your own kids to have the best character ever? Do you believe they could gain that character through a life of ease? I doubt it.

I have not ‘arrived.’ But I am becoming more of the man God wants me to be. I have endured many tests in the past while. I have not always done well with those tests. But I do believe my character is getting shaped. And that, my friends, is more important to him than my comfort.

I suggest you read Jesus’ words in John 16:33.

June 2010