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By Marja Bergen
 Mental illness is not all bad. I have lived with bipolar disorder for over forty years and have found it has many benefits. I couldn't imagine living without it and am not at all unhappy with my life. In many ways, I value what this illness has made possible for me.
With effective medication to keep symptoms under control, people with bipolar disorder can live a close-to-normal life. Yes, moods will fluctuate and cause occasional problems, and treatment will need adjustment. Suffering will always be part of my life. But I accept the way God, the Great Potter, made me. I am rich on many levels.
Like many people with this disorder, I am very creative. I receive a lot of pleasure from photography and using my imagination. The deep emotions I experience, although painful, are a source of richness; I feel completely human. My frequent hard times have helped me appreciate the good times and I make the most of them. Spiritually, I'm stronger for having had to deal with great trials. The fires I've passed through have refined me.
Most of all, I appreciate the compassion I am able to have for others who suffer from depression and other mental health issues. Paul's words in 2 Corinthians 1: 4 hold true for me. I praise God “who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received.” God has shown me his love, and I want to pass that love on to others.
Over the past few years, I've been fortunate to be part of a church community that has supported me and helped me grow spiritually. With the Christ-like love they have shown me, I have come to understand how great God's love is. In turn, I now help others through a support group and one-on-one, in person and through my blog. I feel fulfilled. The language of suffering I've learned helps me connect with people in trouble. I am able to understand them in a way many others could not.
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I feel a bit like Patch Adams in the Robyn Williams film. While Patch is a patient in a psychiatric hospital, he discovers his ability to connect with people. He learns to understand his severely disturbed roommate to see the person behind the illness and helps him through his problems. Not only does this delight Patch, it makes him a well man.
Patch eagerly tells his doctor he is well and needs to leave the hospital. I connected to another human being, he said. I want to do more of that. I want to learn about people. I want to help them with their troubles. I want to really listen to people. Connecting with other people gave Patch joy. It gives me joy, too. When God places you in this role a role he made for you joy happens. Walking with people through some of their toughest times is rewarding and a privilege.
Bipolar disorder will always be with me, and I suffer many high and low moods. But, I don't feel I'm a victim of the disease. God has helped me find a way to make my illness work for me instead of against me.
'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' (Jeremiah 29:11) God has a plan for each of us. Though we might have a severe illness such as bipolar disorder, God has work for us to do. Eventually, we can use what God has given us even the bad and turn it into something good.
Marja Bergen is the author of Riding the Roller Coaster: Living with Mood Disorders (Northstone, 1999) and a new book for Christians about living successfully with bipolar disorder (to appear). She is the founder of Living Room, a faith-based Mood Disorders Association of BC support group. Her blog, marjabergen.blogspot.com, deals with mental health and faith issues. She can be reached at info@candidsbymarja.com.
August 16/2007
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Last year I had a horrendous year. I often came out saying how I hate this illness and what it does to me. And how I hate that I can't make commitments because I never know whether my mood will be such that I'll be able to fulfill the work I've been given.
My moods rapid cycled. I never knew how I would wake up in the morning. My psychiatrist tried different meds which didn't work and caused bad side effects. My husband - normally very patient with me - had a hard time coping. He himself started having problems and had to eventually accept that he would not be able to go fishing at times, because he couldn't trust me home alone. He really suffered.
Yes, I will eat the words I wrote in this article. Bipolar disorder IS BAD!! There's nothing good about it.
But, as in all trials, you learn things you might not otherwise learn and I have done that. I learn to be thankful for my good times. So good that God will give me lots of those too.
I'm sorry I wrote the above article in the way I did. Only wish I could delete it off the internet. But the horrid thing about the internet is that once it's reached there, it seems to be there for good.
I try to have a positive attitude toward life, and I am grateful for many things. But no way would I say that I "value" anything about having bipolar. It's an AWFUL affliction, or at least it is for me and many others. And yes, I have some creativity, but I'm not sure if I'd attribute any of that to mental illness. (Frankly, I think these romantic notions about the "troubled creative genius" are a lot of bunk; I wouldn't trade places with Beethoven or Van Gogh for anything.)
Bottom line: if some folks can feel "blessed' by having a mood disorder, more power to them. However, that attitude is not helpful for me and many others who are nonetheless trying to cope with our affliction the best we can and trying to say positive about life while contributing something to society.
I don't know what your bipolar is like; you don't know what my bipolar is like. As such, there is no "one size fits all" attitude that is suitable for all sufferers of mood disorders.
Once your meds are stablized then you are on the home free path. I had four or five episodes and was in and out hospitals. My actually beginning to recover was by the help of The Church Health Center. I did not have any other insurance at the time.
The center took me in a child of GOD. Every person I can in contact with was like an Angel. The Mercy Medicine,I call it, helped to heal my mind and Brain. My heart was heavy but I felt releaf each time my sister helped me to the doctors.
Dr. Jennings was so warm to speak, as he gathered all the information. He then decided to refer me to the department to handle my issues.
I now am disabled. One day at a time, I look towards being able to go back to work.
It has been one year and no episodes. I will honestly say, The Church Health Center is the place to go for all of yur medical needs. Church Health is growing and day by day more need medical help.
My mind works overtime and I have discovered that myself has much creative ability. I have been sewing quilts and spending lots of my time on the wonderful internet. God blesses each and everyone at birth. No man or woman was created with out a soul.
The next walk that takes place I want each and every willing and able person to litery walk the souls off their shoes. Be sure to gather your sponors and help others to be patients at the Memphis Church Health Center.
Thanks to all that read and to those whom helped in my recovery.
A CHEERFUL HEART
IS GOOD MEDICINE
book of proverbs
cturner
Evita
I'm working to help understanding grow, but it will be a slow process, I know. Yet we mustn't give up.
The Living Room ministry is one effort to help churches give support to people with mood disorders. Supporters are always welcome.
Please check the Living Room website to see if there are any groups in your area. This is a new movement but a growing one. The website: www.livingroomsupport.org.
Thanks for being a trooper for those individuals without voice.
But there is evidence that suggests those who find their creative side stimulated by Bipolar Disorder can, with practice, find other less harmful ways to get to that creative sources, OTHER than by using Bipolar manic/hypomanic episodes to coach it out. You want evidence of this, look up the poetry of Deborah Fruchey. Her early work was stimulated by Bipolar mania. Her later work was dug out by using other ways to source her innate creativity. (Ask her how she does it.) It's a bit different but just as good, if not better.
Words cannot adequately describe the far reaching affects of this illness. And in this case, the implications on many levels were such that after nine months, our lives are only now returning back to normal.
Through all of this, God's guiding hand has been remarkable. There are too many stories to tell, but let it be suffice to say that our Lord Jesus has walked with our son-in-law and been a tower of strength to all of the family. Yes, our God can cause good to come from what we often perceive as bad. We as the extended family have drawn closer, and each of us can attest to God's goodness throughout this ordeal. By his grace and mercy, we will face tomorrow with an eagerness that is unknown outside of a living faith in Jesus !
After I was diagnosed and began taking medication, I was very ill for a decade. Today, I am almost medication-free and couldn't feel better.
I am not only a published author (my fourth book will come out soon but I've written many magazine articles) and I am now pursuing photography and playing an instrument--both new hobbies.
Also, I'm happily married and the mother of a wonderful son.
My illness has taught me about compassion and it has enabled me to be a far more considerate and caring person than I might have otherwise been.
Personally, I believe that the reason so many "mentally ill" people are doing so badly is because the medication is uniformly awful, and they aren't given any real hope that they can live productive and happy lives--like Marja, me, and so many more!
Although we're not believers in God, we are believers that life is not something that "just happens to you", but instead that life is what you will make of it.
I will pass your words on to my son. Thank you.
Thank you for your essay. I'm creative and was diagnosed with bipolar a year ago. I believe they're connected and see some benefits in being bipolar precisely for the reasons you cite. And I feel God working on my soul through the trials and fires that I've experienced.
I know mental illnesses are bad. But what I'm trying to get across is that mental illness is not all bad. It doesn't have to mean the end of the world for someone receiving a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. We have to look at what is possible.
Most of us would probably say that being born without arms or legs is all bad. Yet 1 1/2 weeks ago I saw Nick Vujicik speak on the Hour of Power. It was probably the most inspiring sermon I've ever heard. He's not crying about it. He's a very happy man. The entire talk is online at http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/news_details.php?newsID=15
Terry Fox had cancer, yet although he died from it, it wasn't all bad. He was inspired to help others with cancer by his effort to walk across Canada on his one leg and a prosthesis. Though he died halfway across when the cancer spread to his lungs, he lived a life of significance. I'm sure he felt happy and vibrant as he did so - probably more alive than many who were not suffering anything at all. He inspired millions and today his cause lives on.
...and think of Helen Keller.
If we can learn to help others through what we learn in our suffering, our lives will be valuable.
You're absolutely right that many people are creative without the disorder and that many people with the disorder are not creative. But there is something about the strong mood shifts that enhance creativity. And many use creativity as an outlet to express their strong emotions. I've always used it to fight off depression. With many depressions to fight off, I've ended up with a strong creative habit. I highly recommend Kay Redfield Jamison's "Touched with Fire" for her take on this topic.
We have to take a positive approach, no matter what we suffer from. Through my faith, what I read in the Bible, and my relationship with God I've been able to find the good in whatever happens to me. The Bible says, "...we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28) I really believe that and I would encourage - not discourage - others to believe that as well.
I know mental illnesses are bad. But what I'm trying to get across is that mental illness is not all bad. It doesn't have to mean the end of the world for someone receiving a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. We have to look at what is possible.
Most of us would probably say that being born without arms or legs is all bad. Yet 1 1/2 weeks ago I saw Nick Vujicik speak on the Hour of Power. It was probably the most inspiring sermon I've ever heard. He's not crying about it. He's a very happy man. The entire talk is online at http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/news_details.php?newsID=15
Terry Fox had cancer, yet although he died from it, it wasn't all bad. He was inspired to help others with cancer by his effort to walk across Canada on his one leg and a prosthesis. Though he died halfway across when the cancer spread to his lungs, he lived a life of significance. I'm sure he felt happy and vibrant as he did so - probably more alive than many who were not suffering anything at all. He inspired millions and today his cause lives on.
...and think of Helen Keller.
If we can learn to help others through what we learn in our suffering, our lives will be valuable.
You're absolutely right that many people are creative without the disorder and that many people with the disorder are not creative. But there is something about the strong mood shifts that enhance creativity. And many use creativity as an outlet to express their strong emotions. I've always used it to fight off depression. With many depressions to fight off, I've ended up with a strong creative habit. I highly recommend Kay Redfield Jamison's "Touched with Fire" for her take on this topic.
We have to take a positive approach, no matter what we suffer from. Through my faith, what I read in the Bible, and my relationship with God I've been able to find the good in whatever happens to me. The Bible says, "...we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28) I really believe that and I would encourage - not discourage - others to believe that as well.
Although I appreciate the compassion and strength that living with bipolar disorder has given me personally....
It's bad. It's a defect in our brain functioning. There is no gift from God about it. There is no extra creativity apart from the damaging effects of mania. Believing that without the bipolar you would be less creative is a fallacy born from those wishing to find a positive where there is none. Many creative people exist without the disorder, and many many people with the disorder are not creative.
It is in fact true that the effects of bipolar disorder on the brain will actually over time reduce cognitive functioning, thus reducing actual creativity.
I work with the mentally ill in my community. I run a support group for mood disorders. I see very little positive in the lives of those I talk to. Lost jobs, lost relationships, miserable symptoms of anxiety, anger, depression, energy loss, and psychic pain. And of course the stress on one's body in dealing with all the biological symptoms of bipolar disorder can cause physical illnesses such as migraine, IBS, less resistance to infection, and even bad teeth. (Among other things...this does not count the obesity and diabetes from many medications). And this is not taking into account the immense strain the bipolar patient causes family and friends...not only when in the throes of major symptoms, but also with the reduced energy and side effects of many medications.
I am always glad to read stories such as yours, where you have found a peace in living with your disorder. But I find it irresponsible to inform the public of non-existant positives.
What I do to help people understand the pain caused by mental illness is ask them to replace the disorder with the word, "cancer". That rather changes things doesn't it? The perception with the public would not believe you if you said there was a positive. Though I suppose those who are religious could argue similarly that God has a plan to have you grow from your suffering.
Once again, I want you to know that I appreciate the positivity you bring to having your disorder. I myself live a wonderful and peaceful life, even with having to deal with the occasional outbreak and medication side effects. But I would live without bipolar disorder in a New York minute.