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By Keith Martin MSW, RSW Clinical Social Worker
Read Part 1
I am a counsellor who has spent hundreds of hours working with people whose lives, and the lives of those around them, have been deeply affected by anger.
Last time I talked briefly about the illusions that we Christians sometimes live under regarding anger. We tend to go to extremes. Either we try to pretend that the anger really does not exist or we rationalize and excuse our inability to deal effectively with our anger.
My personal journey through anger
In this article though, I want to begin by introducing myself and giving some of my background. As is often the case God takes an area where we have struggled and through his grace transforms our lives. Anger was an area that could have destroyed me, but I am a walking testament to his power to transform a person's life.
The year is 1975. I am 18 years old and, I had just graduated from high school the previous year. At that time I was unaware of where my life was going in fact I felt had almost no purpose to my life. In retrospect if I had gone to a doctor I would likely have been diagnosed with clinical depression. My life did not seem to be filled with promise and expectation; anger was a constant companion with me.
I still have some of poetry and stories that I wrote during this period. These pieces were often filled with blackness and despair. One particularly negative piece opened with the words, "I grew up dying". It was a catalog of my grievances with life, and it showed how much anger I had towards others and God.
In fact I thought of life as one long conveyor belt. At the beginning of the belt stood God and he would pluck off any person who did not meet with his approval. I envisioned that God had somehow been distracted or inattentive and that I had slipped through by mistake. As a result I accumulated anger towards God and others. But besides all the emotional negativity I stored; I was becoming increasingly bitter and hostile. The anger was threatening to engulf me and destroy me.
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Returning to 1975 I am working on a job with a friend. I can no longer recall anything else about our conversation except for a brief observation my friend made. He said, "Keith you're going to grow up to be a cold, bitter, lonely old man who no one will like." Those words cut through me like a knife. I was very angry but I did not lash out, because he was a good friend and I knew what he said was true.
The value of an honest friend
Fortunately, I listened to the message that God was giving me through my friend. This began the process of change where God developed a softer person who could care for others. I am convinced that God, through my friend, intervened in my life and that my response brought about changes in how I dealt with anger. I am certain of one thing if I had not been willing to make changes then I would have been destructive towards others and myself. I sometimes think that I would not have survived my twenties.
God will not and cannot over rule your choices regarding anger. No matter where you are in your life through God's help you can change how you deal with your anger. If you are reading this and you are aware that anger is a problem then you need to take some time and look at your anger honestly. If you know a person who has anger issues then try to approach them and encourage them, as my friend did with me, to deal with their anger issues. Next time I will talk more about the changes that God created in me.
(This material was first presented at a workshop on anger in October 2001)
Keith Martin MSW, RSW Clinical Social Worker is a therapist with Cornerstone Christian Counselling Centre, a non-profit professional prayer healing ministry, is headquartered in Kitchener, Ontario. www.cornerstonechristian.ca
May 29/2008
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