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By Keith Martin
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So How Do I Live With My Anger?
In the last article I said that I would spend some time outlining the ways in which we can show anger. There is no 'perfect way' to show or experience anger. No matter what sort of personality we have there are always drawbacks to any way we express anger.
One tendency we have is to wish that we could change who we are. It is true that God does cause us to change; yet he still values us for our uniqueness. Look at the disciples that Jesus chose; he did not have a cookie cutter recipe for the perfect disciple. Rather than choosing a particular kind of person Jesus' disciples represented a spectrum of personality types.
The fact that Jesus chose a variety of people ought to be encouraging to every one of us. After all if Jesus could develop, change and use the disciples with all their blemishes and shortcomings, then God can create the necessary change in us. It is important to notice that while God accepts us for who we are, he also desires and invites us to change.
As with so many things in the Christian life there is a fine balance between being who we are and allowing God to transform us. The concept that God accepts us for who we are and yet encourages us to change is important for every Christian to grasp. Take Peter for example. Peter the outgoing, outspoken and volatile disciple. It is easy to see the excesses in Peter's life. He was a man who was ruled by his emotions. While he denied Jesus in the garden he was the only disciple, which we know of, who had the courage to follow Jesus into the trial area. Yes he denied Jesus and fled in fear, but he did also take action to protect Jesus in the garden. For all his faults and failures there were some compensating parts to his character that God would redeem.
Peter was a disciple who needed anger management. Peter, the disciple who was impetuous, volatile and often thought after he acted. He could respond with incredible strength and then act rashly and foolishly. Yet as Peter was seasoned by God's love he also became a powerful influence for the Kingdom. In Peter's story there is hope for all of us. God can take our weaknesses and character flaws and recreates us into powerful people who can be instruments of God's peace and restoration.\
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The key thing to remember is that the ultimate victory over anger comes when we allow God to mould and change us. Of course we all deal with our anger differently, but I can choose to deal effectively with anger, despite my temperament.
I'm going to give an outline from a book on anger that I read years ago. The ways that anger is showed was broken into four types. Of course more complex models of anger can, and have been, developed; yet I like this model for its simplicity.
Anger is broken down into four types:
• Volcanoes,
• Acorn Collectors,
• Tigers
• Slow to Burn but Slow to Let Go.
Let me reiterate that none of these anger profiles (or styles as I call them) is perfect. Each style contains harmful, and possibly devastating, ways for dealing with anger.
Another caution is to imagine that we always use one style of dealing with anger. In fact we can switch very suddenly from one style to another in certain situations, or we may act one way in one place and entirely differently in another place.
Certain people, because of who they are or how they act, can draw out differences. Having introduced you to the types I am going to leave a more thorough description for my next article. In ending this article I want to urge each person to examine his or her life. Remember you are responsible for what you do with your anger. Having said that I also realise that there may be some major wounds or barriers that prevent you from changing.
I simply want to ask you to go before God and have him show you what he wants of you. Pray that God will allow you to understand what your anger style is. I see so many people in churches that have been devastated by unhealthy and destructive displays of anger. If you are, as I once was, a potentially destructive person then ask God to show you how you can change. This is the time of year where we celebrate God's gift of forgiveness and reconciliation. It is also the time of year where we make resolutions. Maybe this year is the year God wants to transform you from and angry person to someone who is ready for reconciliation and forgiveness. Are you ready?
Keith Martin MSW, RSW Clinical Social Worker is a therapist with Cornerstone Christian Counselling Centre, a non-profit professional prayer healing ministry, is headquartered in Kitchener, Ontario. www.cornerstonechristian.ca
June 19/2008
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