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By Marja Bergen
 I'm disappointed when friends and family who know me well say things that reveal a gross misunderstanding of depression and how it affects those of us who suffer from it. One person close to me thought depression was something we bring on when we feel sorry for ourselves. Perhaps she thought we liked the attention.
 Sufferers of depression would do anything to feel happy and vibrant again. When I'm depressed, many friends keep me at arm's length. I don't blame them. It's not pleasant to be around me when I can't find anything to talk about except my pain. Depression does that to you: It turns your thinking inward; all you can wrap your mind around is the misery you feel. You end up feeling very alone.
Another person complained to me about an acquaintance with depression who couldn't manage to do anything more than lie on the sofa. Couldn't he just try and make himself do something? she asked. Nothing I said could convince her that this was an illness that, like other illnesses, couldn't be helped by simple willpower. Those who have never experienced depression find it difficult to understand how profoundly a brain disorder can affect the entire body.
A long time ago, when I was bordering on psychosis, my doctor put me in a seniors' care facility for a few days to give me relief from the stress I faced at home. I called a close family member to let her know where I was. She advised me, You've got to pull yourself together and be strong. You have to try harder. That was insensitive. I was at the facility because I was doing my best to recover I wasn't living with eighty and ninety-year-olds for fun. She should have known I always try my best. When I'm trapped in this state, extricating myself is extremely hard. I need time and medication to recover. If I sound angry and hurt, yes, I was.
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A person I worked with recommended strongly that I get counseling. You don't need those pills you're taking. All you need is to talk to someone at my church. She knew nothing about mental disorders like mine. She had no idea what I was dealing with. Again, I seethed, remembering how psychotic I was when I was first admitted to hospital. I could become sick like that again if I didn't take the medication my mental stability depended on. Would this person tell a diabetic to stop taking insulin?
Christian psychiatrist and author, Dwight L. Carlson, writes, "There are legions of God-fearing Christians who to the best of their ability are walking according to the Scriptures and yet are suffering from emotional symptoms. Many of them have been judged for their condition and given half-truths and clichˇs by well-meaning but ill-informed fellow believers. Pray for God's forgiveness,' some are told. A person who is right with the Lord can't have a nervous breakdown.'"
Fortunately, I have not been treated in this way. The church congregations I've belonged to have been understanding, yet the stigma continues. It hurts me deeply that Christians who should be compassionate are often judgmental. Church communities need to learn the medical basis for mental disorders and how that differs from the spiritual. They are in the best position to help those in crisis. But when they don't understand, they are in danger of doing a lot of damage. For Christians, there is nothing worse than to be told our emotional problems are our own fault, the result of unconfessed sin. We suffer so much already. Having to shoulder blame multiplies our mental anguish.
(Excerpt from her latest book 'A Firm Place to Stand')
Marja Bergen has lived with bipolar disorder for over forty years. Her mission is to dispel the lingering stigma attached to mental health conditions and to encourage people to lovingly welcome the sufferers into congregations by understanding them better and supporting them in practical ways. She is the author of Riding the Roller Coaster (Northstone, 1999) and a just-released book, A Firm Place to Stand: Finding Meaning in a Life with Bipolar Disorder (Word Alive). Marja is the founder of the growing faith-based support group, Living Room (www.livingroomsupport.org). Check her website at www.marjabergen.com.
September 4/2008
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Thanks and appreciation to you, Marja, for doing what you can to help this stigma go away.
And thank you, Nancie, for what you had to say. It was tremendously helpful.
Someone ever said "Being depressed is bad enough in itself, but being a depressed Christian is worse. And being a depressed Christian in a church full of people who do not understand depression is like a little taste of hell." How true! Too often Christians who are clinically depressed, not due to sin or lack of faith in God, have been misjudged by people around them, even in their church. And instead of receiving love, prayers and support, they were rebuked and scolded for being emotional, having sinned against God and lack of faith in God. I have had such painful experiences in the past. It is sad that this is the reason many stop going to church and end up receiving no encouragement in their faith. I have friends who are in that position.
No doubt ultimately all the troubles, sicknesses, miseries and sorrows we experience in this life is due to sin, the original sin committed by Adam in the Garden of Eden and the remaining corruptions in us and in the world. But clinical depression and bipolar depression are real medical condition that need to be treated. Church communities need to learn the medical basis for mental disorders and how that differs from the spiritual. Clinical depression is not due to a weakness in our character and may not be directly due to any particular sins. We can be walking aright with God, loving Him and His people, serving Him actively and yet experience depression when we over-strained our body and mind, or due to other reasons.
Having battled with some 10 or so prolonged and severe depressive episodes over the last 20 years, I know by experiences that depressions are debilitating and torturous experiences that we did not choose to have. Depression is different from the "blues" and that is why the comment "That is what a person who feels a bit blue would possibly do. Get up, get going, and make oneself do SOMETHING." doesn't work for us. We can't will our depression away just like the way those who are feeling "blues" can do. Many of us with depression and bipolar have a genetic pre-disposition to depression, perhaps traceable to our parents' genes, which increases the likelihood of suffering it ourselves. Stress, strain and many other factors can trigger off our relapses.
It is absolutely vital for Christians to understand and accept that while mental illness usually has serious consequences for our spiritual life, mental illness is rarely caused by problems in our spiritual life. There is usually mistaken tendency to locate the cause of mental illness in our spiritual life, our relationship with God, which also increases false guilt and feelings of worthlessness. Mental illness are real medical conditions and we who live with it should be treated in the same way as those who suffer from other kinds of medical conditions. Church communities need to learn the medical basis for mental disorders and how that differs from the spiritual, and pray and support God's children who are suffering in this way. It is sad when others who have no knowledge or experience of depression say or write things that hurt us as it only serves to deepen our pains and sufferings.
Many people including me are being helped by Marja's books and blog. Hopefully Marja's books, articles and blog will continue to be used of God to educate others so that more and more people will be more understanding and supportive, especially family and friends. And people who suffer from depression will also know that theirs is a condition that can be treated and will seek help early.
You have a disorder, a disease that affects an organ of your body. But it isn't you heart, or your lungs, or your kidney that's affected, it's another organ - your brain.
When you have a problem with your lungs, your breathing is affected. But when you have a problem that affects your brain, your mood and thinking are affected. You can't help it. There's nothing wrong between you and God. Your disorder was not caused by sin, any more than a disease like asthma is caused by sin.
If you had diabetes, you would not want someone saying that something spiritual was the root cause and that you need to confess your sins. It would be very hurtful to be told that, especially when you're a follower of Christ and your faith is important to you.
It's tragic when mental illnesses are considered spiritually caused. People who are told that are made to feel it's their fault, that they could do something about it, simply by praying more. They feel judged.
This is tragic because many people with these problems have left the church, feeling judged. People who believe in Jesus need to have a place to worship; they need to have a church family to support them. People who suffer from depression and bipolar disorder are already feeling badly about themselves. As Christians, we should embrace them, showing them Christ's unconditional love, showing acceptance.
Confessing sins will not cure mental illness any more than it will cure asthma, heart disease, or diabetes. It's so important that Christians learn to understand this so they can give the kind of help people with mental illness so desperately need.
Christians very much need to learn to understand that mental illness is a medical condition and we who live with it should be treated in the same way as those who suffer from other kinds of medical conditions.