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By Colleen Hammermaster
 'Sharon' had just written an exam in Calculus. As usual, she left the examination feeling busy. All she could think about was the question she couldn't answer. What was that formula!? How could she have missed it!? She felt awful about herself, and hearing everyone else blissfully chatter about the exam made her feel even worse.Even though she studied for the exam, she should have studied harder. She felt angry at herself for not knowing the answers, for not finding the course easier, for not being smarter* Her stomach felt sick as she started thinking about other questions she might have answered incorrectly. She pictured herself failing the course. She imagined feeling humiliated before her peers, professors, and family. Sharon felt like such a failure.
Although Sharon feels like a failure, she is not. What she is, however is a perfectionist.
Being a perfectionist does not mean that you actually are 'perfect', it means that you are not satisfied with anything less than perfection. Sharon blamed herself for not being able to answer every question, for not finding the course easier, and for not being smarter. Basically, she blamed herself for not being perfect.
What about you? Are you someone who gets frustrated if things don't go exactly right in your life? Are you extremely critical of yourself? Do you focus on your imperfections? At the end of a day is it easier for you to recall your mistakes than your successes? Do you have little tolerance for human error, lateness, disorganization. and imprecision? If you answered ¥yes* ,you are likely a perfectionist. So what's wrong with being a perfectionist, you might ask. You are, after all. in college striving for academic excellence. Perfectionism and the pursuit of excellence are two distinctly different things.
Pursuers of excellence set high standards and work hard to achieve them. Perfectionists set standards that are not unachievable. Pursuers of excellence can accept mistakes and try to learn from them. Perfectionists dwell on mistakes and blame themselves for any error, they strive to be the best but can accept being number two if they have tried their hardest. Perfectionists can only be number one, and define themselves by their achievements.
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The primary point that we are not perfect! We make mistakes even when we try our hardest not to. Perfectionists, however are driven by directives such as "I should not make mistakes." "I must understand everything in my textbooks and ought to have prepared better."
When the inevitable mistakes are made, perfectionists attack themselves, blaming themselves for missing a question, for not knowing everything, and basically, for being human. Discouragement and disappointment follow. The perfectionist standard is hard to meet, and perfetionists end up feeling like failures their human short-comings control their demands to do everything.
Self- esteem takes a beating because any criticism of their work is seen as a personal attack. '
Pefleclionists frequently seek counseling not to learn to reduce their perfectionistic demands, but to learn new techniques in meeting these perfectionistfc demands! The pressure that accompanies these unrealistic expectations sometimes becomes manifested in migraines, stomach problems, and backaches.
Procrastination can abo be a consequence of having perfectionist standards. This doesn't sound possibleWe tend to think that procrastination is are result of being lazy and having tow standards, rather than being driven to faultlessness.
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This article is contributed by Colleen Hammermaster, a Christian counseling psychologist. She has worked at Concordia University College of Alberta in Edmonton for 11 years, counseling students and staff, and teaching University courses in Educational Psychology. She has also worked in the hospital setting as well as in the Psychiatric Hospital setting. For the past 8 years she has been providing counseling services in her own private practice. She has counseled hundreds of individuals struggling with a wide variety of emotional issues and problems, and has led many workshops and presentations for both private and public agencies. Dr. Hammermaster has a doctoral degree in Educational Psychology from the University of Alberta, and has written many articles of relevance to Christians on topics such as: how to stop worrying, avoiding the time crunch, preventing burnout, self-esteem in relationships, and coping with depression.
October 9/2007
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