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By Tracee M.
READ PART 1
 . . . After a visit with my boyfriend in jail I had an incredible urge to climb as high as possible to get as close to God as I could. I came upon "Larson's Hill" and it was there that I gave my heart and my life to God. Through many tears, I asked him to forgive me for the horrible things that I had done. . .
. . . I asked him to come into my life, and fix the mess I'd made of it. At this point, all the birds stopped chirping and as soon as I had finished praying they began to sing again. I wanted him to hear my call and help me. He did. I will never forget that day.
God is good. He is a forgiving God. He knows everything about me: every hurt, and every scar that needs healing. I am not finished my journey toward healing yet, but each step I take is with him.
"Then the Lord your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you and gather you again from all the nations where he scattered you even if you have been banished to the most distant land under the heavens, from there the Lord your God will gather you and bring you back." (Deuteronomy 30: 3-4)
SInce that time the boyfriend was released from prison after 6 months and became my husband. At 32 I was being given back my life. I felt that everything that was taken away from me would be restored: in God's time. After 7 years, my eldest daughter came to live with my husband and I. My mom, after not speaking to me for 7 years, lives nearby and I now saw her weekly. I am closer to my siblings than ever before. And best of all, I have the peace of knowing that my dad is in heaven because God granted me the honor of being with him in his last days.
I can tell you...
If there is one thing that I can tell you, it is this: don't wait another day! Each day you live without the love of God is another day you are being robbed of the life God intended for you to have!
Don't wait until you hit rock bottom before you cry out to him.
There is nothing that you have done in your life that you can't be forgiven for. You just have to ask. He's waiting. This is the most important decision you will ever make.
SInce my that time, I want you to understand where my walk has led me. I have come to the conclusion that I was never intended to have a 'charmed' life.
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The ongoing struggle
I have had to struggle, fight, battle in order to persevere, but through it all, at the end of each emotional tangle I have seen where God has been there for me.
I have hope when I never believed there was such a thing. I watched my mentally ill mother battle depression for 20 years and no matter what I said or did I couldn't understand how she didn't have hope, and at the same time she couldn't understand how I did. She didn't know Christ. She eventually came to know Christ and that was the hope I had for her.
I have been down too, so down that you wonder where God is. This last year our family experienced, what I felt, was so devastating, overwhelming and humiliating.
Teenage pregnancy
My 15 year old daughter came home and told me she was pregnant.
I think through the first few months I was in denial, as she didn't really look pregnant. Once she started to show I realized how strong and courageous she was as she went to school everyday and endured the looks and the taunts of others. She was able to maintain a healthy disposition and continued to lead her life as normally as possible. God made me very aware of how judgmental I had been of others in the same circumstance in the past, "how could this happen in a Christian family!" - I was humbled.
Looking back
I can see how my struggles have always ended in blessing. God has blessed me so much
I watched my mom take her last breath, and I watched my granddaughter take her very first. Mom lived with a mental illness for 20 years finding true peace in heaven. Watching my daughter take upon herself a role as a mother at 16 has been incredible, she is truly an incredible mom.
I do know one thing I would rather endure the sufferings and pain with Him than without Him because I would not be who I am today.
Tracee attends a local church in Chilliwack, B.C. - her Pastor spoke to cc.com enthusiastically of her life and faith to this day.
October 16/2007
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