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By Colleen Hammermaster
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 We tend to think that procrastination is are result of being lazy and having low standards, rather than being driven to faultlessness. However, a perfectionist avoids assignments or tasks for a reason other than laziness. It is the fear of failing, the fear of not doing a good enough job that keeps the person from getting to work. A great amount of anxiety accompanies the quest for perfection, and procrastination is more an attempt to avoid anxiety, than to avoid the task. So what can be done to avoid becoming a discouraged perfectionist?
1. The first necessary step is to recognize that you are a perfectionist. First born or only children have a particularity high chance of becoming perfectionists, (although other children in a family are not immune). If you feel you must be the best at everything you try, you are a perfectionist.
When counseling people I often recommend that students write down all the negative thoughts that they have about themselves. The reams of negative words generated by this exercise is sometimes a surprise to the them. The result is an awareness of the frequency and intensity of their perfectionlst demands.
2. The second step is to recognize that perfectionism does not motivate toward success, but rather detracts from it.
It is hard to achieve excellence in anything when you are driven by anxiety rather than enthusiasm. However some perfectionists are afraid to remove their demands, for fear of becoming lazy. Students I have worked with in counseling have told me, "I think I need this stress in order to motivate me to do my best." In reality (his self-imposed stress interferes with successful academic performance, rather than facilitating it. Your mind will be less effective in retaining scholastic information when it is already filled with worry. Upon recognizing that constant self-criticism is self defeating, the question is "How can I change?"
This is the point at which many students come to me (for counseling). They know they are overly demanding on themselves and they know that these demands are making them very unhappy. What they don't know is how to stop being this way.
Again, writing down thoughts not only assists you in the awareness of perfectionism, but also puts you in a position to change these thoughts.
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"I must must not ..." or "I should/should not ..." are culprits in your thinking, they leave us feeling guilty and defeated when, for whatever reason, things don't go exactly as we want.
These demands can be replaced with less rigid thoughts such as:
"I want to ... " and "I will try to..." which places less pressure on you.
Because perfectionists are overly critical of themselves, they need to learn not to put themselves down. The process of learning needs to be positively acknowledged, as well as the final grade. Life is not black and white, and things in life are not either perfect or awful. Perfectionists need to realize that even when things don't go exactly as they want them to they are not failures.
I encourage perfectionists to spend ten minutes each evening acknowledging a positive achievement, something they noticed as good in themselves. This recommendation is given in an attempt to bring the perfectionist's overly negative thinking toward a more balanced perspective which includes a recognition of positive setf-worth.
Changing the way you think about yourself is a challenge. You might criticize yourself and put yourself down without even realizing it. To stop making unrealistic demands takes work, as does breaking any well-ingrained habit. However these demands are self-imposed and you are the one in a position to change them. In changing perfectionistfc demands to healthier expectations, you experience freedom from anxiety, fear, and guilt. You become free to succeed.... and make mistakes!
This article is contributed by Colleen Hammermaster, a Christian counseling psychologist. She has worked at Concordia University College of Alberta in Edmonton for 11 years, counseling students and staff, and teaching University courses in Educational Psychology. She has also worked in the hospital setting as well as in the Psychiatric Hospital setting. For the past 8 years she has been providing counseling services in her own private practice. She has counseled hundreds of individuals struggling with a wide variety of emotional issues and problems, and has led many workshops and presentations for both private and public agencies. Dr. Hammermaster has a doctoral degree in Educational Psychology from the University of Alberta, and has written many articles of relevance to Christians on topics such as: how to stop worrying, avoiding the time crunch, preventing burnout, self-esteem in relationships, and coping with depression.
October 16/2007
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Clever!