By Paul Robertson

We live in a time and culture when the importance of fatherhood is very much maligned. The media has gone out of its way to portray fathers as unreliable, silly, and spineless. Can you name even one television program where a father is portrayed as he should be? Not since the Cosby Show has fatherhood been presented as the noble calling it really is.

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Provider

Society still values a father who provides tangible resources for his family. Some fathers believe that if they provide enough material things for their kids that they will be happy. If possession made one happy, this generation of young people should be the happiestever. However, most long for relation- ships more than resources. Dads can provide time helping with homework, attending school activities, and caring for their children. There is a nurturing side to fathers that all kids long for. He sets the character example for what he wants his son or daughter to be when they grow up. Teenagers in Canada are dying for relationships. The popularity of such websites as Facebook and MySpace are evidence. When surveyed most young people agree they would rather have interaction with real people. For these young people, time with their father can be a life-changing experience as face-to-face guidance on a variety of life issues can be provided best through real interaction. For exam- ple, most kids learn most of what they know about sex from the media. Is there a less trustworthy source than their music and movies? Young people need to hear the truth from dad...and mom.

Preparer

Many teenagers and young adults are struggling in the real world because they were never properly prepared for the real world; somehow life is much simpler on TV. Fathers need to help their children discover their gifts and pas- sions and guide them into developing those passions into a career. Direction on values, morality, integrity, and char- acter are also part of the preparation. Parents want their children to grow up to be responsible citizens and it doesn't happen by chance. It takes an involved father to assist them in making the right choices in a world were cheating, bully- ing, intimidation, and lying have become the new life-skills if it means getting ahead. The ultimate goal is to prepare them to live life on their own with honor and compassion.

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In our own research, Youth Unlimited has sampled a number of young people asking what they expect their father to be in a world that is changing quickly and that often fails to provide positive direction for them. Here is a sample of what we heard.

First, they expect their fathers to ask them how they are doing, how their day was, and then take time to listen to their answers. They need to know their father cares about them. In one Canadian survey, 73 percent of our teens said having someone to listen to them is "very, very important." Internet may be a great place to chat but is anyone really listening?

Second, they expect their fathers to be consistent and to model the behaviour and beliefs they talk about. Fathers are expected to teach moral beliefs and standards and to be an example. They hate hypocrisy and double standards. They want authenticity in their media world of shallowness and lies.

Third, young people long for fathers to love them unconditionally. They need to know that regardless of how stupid they can be that their dad will love them "no mater what." Teens want to see the emotional and compassionate side of the man they look up to. It makes their fathers human in a rather impersonal, technolog- ical world.

Fourth, girls want their fathers to treat them with respect both verbally and physically. Dads need to set the standard for what their daughters should expect from the other men in their life. Honoring you daughter makes her feel worthy and loved and helps her get beyond the simple notion of being an "object" in her youth culture.

Fifth, as much as they need guidance they also need freedom. Freedom is earned as they prove they are responsible. Preparing your teens to live in the real world is a long and complicated process but very rewarding when done properly. There is no doubt we live in a busy world where everyone's schedule is more than full. Fathers feel the pressure, often feeling no one else understands, of providing for the family while juggling a hundred other important issues. However, in the end, dads only get one chance to raise their kids properly. If as one mother said, "When you die, the only thing you take with you is the love and memories of your children." then the question becomes, "What will their memories of us be?"

Paul Robertson is the Youth Culture Specialist with Youth Unlimited (Toronto YFC). Youth Unlimited is a faith-based charity that believes in the unlimited potential of youth. It is committed to helping them develop wholistically, both personally and spiritually, by providing caring people to whom they can turn. http://paulrobertson.ca

August 27/2009