By La Vonne Dougall

The Christmas season is fast approaching! As we drive through the communities in which we live we begin to see familiar streets bedecked with Christmas decorations and one by one houses are beginning to twinkle with Christmas lights. Stores have begun to play Christmas carols and are filled with Christmas displays in hopes that we will begin our Christmas shopping early this year. All of these sights and sounds cause many of us to look forward to the Christmas season with happy anticipation.

However for some these Christmas indicators bring a sense of foreboding and dread. The death of a loved one, divorce, relocation to a new community, family rifts and strife are just a few examples of life changes that can cause Christmas to bring the sting of pain and loss rather than warmth, family and celebration. Some have one, or more, fewer gifts to purchase and wrap this year, one less plate at the Christmas table this year. Indeed many wonder where and with whom they will be spending Christmas. A lot of people simply wish that they could skip the whole thing knowing that Christmas just doesn't have much potential for 'merriment.'

For this reason many churches and communities have felt the need to provide a Christmas service in which people can honour the pain of this season in the community of others who are suffering similarly. Through singing, the sharing of readings, homily and ritual, the losses that this season amplifies can be honoured and embraced. There is comfort in knowing that one isn't alone nor unique dealing with pain at this time of year. In this church gathering there is no need for a brave face or a plastic smile. Instead people are invited to be real and authentic regarding their feelings and their loss. In doing so we are able to give and receive comfort as well as receive hope for the future.

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In my experience as a hospital chaplain I remember one family in particular who lost a wife, mother and grandmother just three weeks before Christmas. I was invited that year to share at that community's 'Blue Christmas'. The entire family had chosen to attend this special service. I watched as they came forward as a group to hang a decoration on the tree in memory of this special woman. They wept and comforted each other as they hung their decoration on the tree, and then watched others do the same, then singing with candles of hope Silent Night through their tears.

Afterwards they told me that Christmas had always been their loved one's favourite time of year, hosting the Christmas dinner for the family. This year Christmas just wouldn't be the same. However the experience of honouring her life and passing during the service helped them feel empowered to face Christmas without her. No Christmas wouldn't be the same without her, yet they had been given hope and comfort and were now determined to continue her Christmas legacy as a tribute to her. One by one they told me that this service had been worthwhile to attend and that it had blessed them.

Perhaps you are experiencing an apprehension associated with Christmas, even dread, knowing it will be painful.

Many of us, if we take a moment to think about it, know others that is likely in that space... divorcees, those with estranged family members, single people with no family members, shut ins, newcomers to an area and those who are just overloaded with concerns. You are not alone in your sadness and loss and there is comfort when you connect with others of like experience. Grief and loss is but a season in life, and seasons come and go. As we give and receive comfort we learn that there is the possibility of hope for the future.

Eccles. 3 1-4 there is a time for everything... a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. TNIV

Rev 7v17 and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.

(Originally published in BC Christian News 2008)

December 22/2009