Thank God it’s over
I was having lunch with one of the young adults who had stopped coming to church a year earlier. It was one of many such conversations I have recently had.
“I don’t want to go back… My life is far less complicated now… I am way happier since I left,” she said.
Certainly, this is not what I wanted to hear. ‘I am miserable’ is more like what I was looking for.
Confessions like these are becoming very common, and heard by churches and ministries everywhere. While the church may not want to admit it, most of those who have left are not interested in coming back. It is hard for us to hear this. In effect they are saying they do not want what we are.
We can even be offended because it goes against our beliefs. I have told so many people during altar calls, like many before me, “Taste and see that the Lord is good!” We convince people with our words of how great it is to be a Christian. But when they go to bite in it seems they are left with a sour taste in their mouth. How can something so good be tasting so bad?
I am a Failure
As I have spoken about this issue many times at different youth and young adult events, I have discovered that almost everyone has come to a point when they have felt like they are a ‘Christian Failure.’
Christian Failures are people who have tried over and over again to live a Christian life. They sincerely tried — and many times! The Holy Spirit has convicted them of sin. They have come to the altar many times. Yet despite their best efforts they fall back into the same issues they came with.
Discouraged, many people have come to the conclusion that they just can’t make it. Either something is wrong with them, or perhaps God doesn’t care about them like he does everyone else. Even though they start out with good intentions, failure always comes. Guilt and condemnation almost always follow failure.
This is where so many give up or are looking for a solution to make it end. If they have tried for weeks, months or years and still feel they are a failure, they start looking for a new solution. The easiest way to fix it is to walk away.
If I do what?
There are things the Bible says we can do, that will cause God to do something. Take 2 Chronicles 7:14 which says, “If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” (NIV)
In this case the response of God comes after we do something; he is faithful to his word and we can depend on him to fulfill his promise.
There are many of these scriptures in the Bible that require us to do something if we want that certain result. I call it the reap and sow principle.
However not everything about God works this way. Some things about God are free. Matthew 5:45 says, “He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” You don’t have to do anything to make the sun rise tomorrow. Many things with God are simply based on his goodness.
The problem exists in that we have taken things that are free and have applied the laws of reaping and sowing to them. Take salvation; many groups have used fear to keep people in line, which has only added the failure mentality. I have heard teachings that suggested that if Jesus came back while you were ‘in a theatre’ you may not go up to heaven. It is incredible how weak people have made salvation out to be.
One minute you are going to heaven, the next you are going to hell; say a quick prayer and wow — again I am going to heaven. You then repeat this cycle several times a day, hundreds of times a week.
Fear of the Lord has its place, however, the work that Jesus completed on the cross is much bigger than our failings. The truth that nothing can separate us from his love needs to be spread to this generation.
But what is the answer? The true answer is that we have failed, everyone has!: “All have fallen short.” There is nothing you can do about it.
The best thing anyone can do is to actually give up. Give up trying to measure up to God. Give up trying to work your way to heaven and eternal life. The people who say they are happier since they quit may be telling the truth.
It is when we come to this point where we totally give up we that have a chance for something greater. It is when we stop our striving, trusting in our ‘works,’ and our ideas that we can come to a place where we just say, “Jesus, you do it.” The Bible simply does not teach that we keep ourselves saved. It is a total work bought by the blood and grace of Jesus.
What a relief when one day I was awakened to the realization that Jesus had done it all. Experiencing freedom is the beginning of a walk in Christ that is actually enjoyable.
When you are free, condemnation is gone. Worrying about whether or not you are good enough is all history. It is time to set the captives free. We do not have to trade one kind of bondage for another. It is time to live free.
Me too
Me too. I was recently reminded that these are some of the most powerful words that can be spoken to people who think they are failures. There is something that happens when a person realizes they are not alone. We have often led people to think that we are something we are not.
Just like the fashion industry has pictures of supermodels that no young lady can live up, we have done the same thing with our ‘super Christians.’
But we are not perfect. All of us have our own issues. If we didn’t, we would not be human.
People need to know there is a place they can talk about their failures. Too often churches have no place for this to happen. When can a person, along with other believers, confess their sins and ask for help? When is it okay to admit you are struggling?
Every young person and adult in our churches needs this. Without it we miss out on the healing that comes with our confessions to one another. When we leave people to think they are screwed up, failures and alone, we are sentencing them to a life of misery.
It is time to be real. We can admit we make mistakes. There are incredible things that happen spiritually, emotionally, and even physically when repentance and forgiveness happen. It is time that someone sat down with this generation and said, you know what… me too. I struggled with that issue, that situation, that sin too. I am asking God to help. In this setting people have an opportunity to let God minister to the real issues they are facing and let to the healing begin.
You aren’t a failure.
David Sawler, who wrote ‘Goodbye Generation
For all who are about to give up, you could try one last thing, after all it can’t make it worse. Pastor Tozer said ‘when people get saved we don’t tell them that they must pray fervently and live in praise and worship because we all have the spirit of degeneration’ . Try to forget and bury the ill feelings towards God for just 10 minutes and thank God for everything.Sing to Him your favourite worship song or praise song, try it.
I can appreciate much of what you have written. I think there is more to the leaving than a person may be saying.
In my own experience and having come from a family home where there was fear and arguments and violence and no memory of seeing love.
I could not believe what I was seeing and hearing among the believers. almost like the old home and not a place
i’d like to be.
I don’t want to hear that Mrs. A did this or that. We are not to gossip. Our Pastor taught us to keep short accounts, settle matters and I read that this was to be done in a spirit of meekness less you also be tempted.
We have to have a ‘home’ base that is more than it is at present. Too many times it has looked too alike to what a person has come away from.
Where would you place a new born, in loving enviroment or where there is friction?
We came out to come into better than we had experienced. We have to raise that standard and live as God wrote that we should in love for one another before we even dare ask Father to add to the church.
Thank you for reading.
Sam I do not know all of your situation, but I know how porn and masturbating can “ruin” your life. I have struggled with porn for many years and all the junk that goes with it. My mind is dark and troubled at times (most of the time) but I have found strength in this post to remind me that I am not alone in my failures. Most of all Jesus has been tempted by all of the same things we have or will be tempted by. I know that giving up sounds really good but believe me it will only compound the feeling of failure. Please don’t give up yet. Life is hard but Jesus wants to go through it with us. Don’t give up. I will pray that both of us will strive to finish the race set before us.
I am a christian Failure for sure. I thought that all things were possible with god , so i was wrong. The only things that are possible with god are the things that he ordains as possible. Not things that you come up with that you would like to try. Not only that but the sin i admit ,i went to church i prayed i thithed i tried serving the less fortunate . I still wind up back looking at porn and masterbating. I give up jesus and other christians i f ing gave up already who am i kidding
the above aomments encouraged me. I was in the same situation, totally down. I kept thinking iam a failure. I felt no change in my attitude after i tried a lot. I am way dowm. Then i searched in the internet. I am happy for all the comments.
excellent post I thought i would add a comment for others who feel the same as the thoughts shared here, I found God or rather he found me about three years ago now, and after starting out to live the life i believed he wanted me too, and thinking and hoping my life would turn for the better, instead have faced nothing but loss and failure, losing pretty well every material thing I had, house, business, savings, credit, and have seen nothing but failure over and over in every thing I attempt to do to salvage my life, the enemy has been harrasing my thoughts daily, brutally, atacks of emotions alwasy impatience, anger, lust folowed by thoughts against God, he’s a liar. you can’t trust him, blah blah blah. worse of all every time i feel God strengthening me and try and stand on his promises it always blows up in my face over and over. I try and trust God and fail horribly the results are just disappoinments repeated.
It seems like every time I get positive on an issue, focus on what God said he would do the emeny attacks andI fall to the emotional pain he causes. The results are always the same more problems instead of deliverance.
anyways this morning after another attack and subsequent failure on my part, I had the that’s it no more I give up feeling too, which Is how I found this site.
How can you trust God when everything seems to be the opposite of what his word says? is it a test of faith, a Job trial of sorts, in my heart I truly belive, well not just believe I KNOW that God is everything he says he is and that his word will never fail, but how do you face the constant issues. and non stop contradiction to his word?
we walk by faith not by site, but is the christian life meant to be just one problem and trial after another. What of his promises than?
I find no joy anymore in reading his word and too feel like I’m basking in a never ending pity party,
I found this post very encouraging gave me a look at the picture from a different view. anyways I hope someone can share some insight
i am 18, and i go thru the same struggle. thoughts that condemn me when i read scripture, as fake christian. recently im having a hard time accepting the Bible as the word of God, there are apparent contradictions. Alot of it don’t make sense to me. Maybe its spiritual attacks from the enemy maybe i’m just over analyzing in everything i do. No doubt i’m living as a captive to my spontaneous thoughts. Pray for me please
I forgot to say Mike, I don’t believe you received good teaching from the first church where you were saved. And that very well could be what you are operating out of, that wrong teaching about losing your salvation. Your heart is turned toward God, and you have a desire to please Him and love Him and live for Him. As I said, you are in a good place when you are facing toward God. You have a repentant heart. And you know, God can handle our tantrums (when we do things we know we shouldn’t but we’re mad so we do) and our anger. Just ask His forgiveness and live in the newness of His mercy and forgiveness…not remembering the sin. Pornography and things like that can have strong spiritual holds on us, but those holds can be broken through prayer. That’s why I suggested you not go through this alone… I will pray that you find good council to help you through this. God is definitely for you , not against you.
Mike you have not failed, you’re just struggling with something. We all struggle. We all fall short of the perfect Christian life…the only one who succeeded is Jesus. I have been where you are, feeling as though I am a big failure to God and in God. And I am still doing through the journey to combat it. We all struggle with different things. I have been on a journey for years where I have asked God to show me things I need to change and attitudes that have to go. Every one of the the things He has shown have been tied to things from the past that affected how I receive the word of God, how I condemn myself, how I react to others, etc. May I suggest that you find a really good solid Christian counsellor (as I have done) and let them help you journey through this. Often they can help identify what is really going on inside you. It could be that some of these things are keeping you from seeing what God is showing you. The darkness and fear you are describing are not from God, we know that, they are from the enemy and he uses them to keep us from seeing the truth. Put yourself in a good community of believers as well….people you can be “real” with as you journey through this. Mike God loves you, and He forgives you for your sins. You have a love for God and that is fantastic…it’s what God wants, your love. You are in a good place to find healing and freedom, just don’t try and do it alone. Find a counsellor, a good church and pastor, good Christian fellowship where you can feel safe to be real and get good Christian council. Fill your mind with scriptures, even if you struggle to believe them as I have. Keep saying them so God can use them to combat the enemy. Even though you don’t feel the strength of the scriptures, they are the written word of God. I will be praying for you.
I am 54 years old. I have been a christian for over 20-years now. I know that I was truly saved. However, I have lived a tormenting life of fear and failure ever sense.
The first church I ever attended taught that you can lose your salvation. I don’t know if that has anything to do with my problems now or not. It has been a mind battle for me all my christian life. I have recently lost my job, for the first time in my entire life I am unemployed. I have failed at everthing in my life everthing i have done
that includes God. I have tried over and over and over again to have faith and to be strong and stand firm in faith. I will be up on top of the mountain one day than 2-days later I will be attacked in my mind. I will get totaly surrounded by fear and darkness, I will cry out to God to take it away, and there is nothing, nothing but confusion and fear. The harder I try to have faith and just believe God the worse it gets. I have tried over and over again, year after year to over come this and I can’t. I am a failure to God who I most truly do love and am so thankfull for all he has done for me. But I fail him. I am so, so tired of failing him over and over again. I have asked God over and over again to take my life. But he wont. If there ws a way I could make it look like an accedent I would do it my self. I am so tired so very tired. Yes I do feel like giving up. I even gave into sexual sins this morning I new were wrong. I did it out of anger toward myself I gave into them and said there. Screw it Im done. If I am going to be a failure and fail God why not go all the way and just give up. I feel bad for what I did. Watching sex videos on internmet was wrong and stupid.
Could it be possible that God just does not want me. Is that why I can’t over come this thing I deal with all the time? Perhaps God does not truly care for me at all and I am trying to make him love me when in truth he does not care for me and could care less if I fail or not.